Nelson’s Biscuits
of Wisdumb

"What do you want to do today, Josie? I vote to nap."



What the...? What happened to Hicks' Pub Happy Hour?!? They are on a short hiatus, but will return, we promise.


Looking for the
Pretzel Recipe?


Click the Tasty Kitchen logo below and it'll take you right to it. I put it over there, because there are TONS of great recipes...and the ones submitted by Pioneer Woman have step-by-step photos, which are a godsend to those who are culinarily-challenged like me.



Here's our christmas story...


"I'm sorry, Ralphie. There will be no Christmas party this year."

Those in the know know how busy it is in the Perfect Kingdom right now (don't worry, it's in a good way). Hence, the pathetic lack of Happy Hours recently. The task of organizing a Christmas party is simply too daunting for us to tackle right now, so we're taking this year off. SORRY!

We apologize for this yuletide hiccup.

(Soon, we will post the story of why we've completely slid off the grid.)

Who is this man and why is he so darn grumpy?

bert"Y'all ain't gonna gimme crap about my Camels and my red Solo cup, are ya?"

Everyone, meet Bert.

Hicks just visited Bert at his home in Georgia (a super-convenient pit stop between Hicks' Pub and Hicks' Pub South) and received an enormous blast of crap for our website being so out of date.

So now it's offically updated. You're welcome, Bert.

The Bert 411:

Bert is teaching Hicks how to be more Southern. As you can see he knows how to sport a cowboy hat better than Hicks.

bert2"Lookit here. I'm so purdy, my mustache done slid right offa my face."
Bert likes “shine.” He sends jars of it to Hicks sometimes and it makes Hicks and his friends act like a bunch of college kids...like throwing shots of shine into the Beer Fort fire in order to ascertain its pyrotechnic qualities. For the record, the clear shine makes a much more impressive fireball than the golden shine. But you already knew that.

Bert spins “yarns.”  They typically involve colorful language and interesting people. The best Bert yarns have to do with his days at CNN (Ted Turner - whoo-whee. Bernie Shaw - wuss.), riding on wagon trains (seriously, the man owns a wagon train and a team of horses) and other stuff we cannot put here due to the NSA.

Bert gives Hicks neat Southern stuff every time Chris stops by like these signs. Southern people seem to like this type of stuff.

giftsTypical Southern Care Package: signs, flag, jars of shine...

knife...and a knife (this photo shows both sides of the same knife). It's all about the Southern Pride.

Bert has a HicksPub t-shirt but he may be too cool to wear it.

The educational systems goes both ways; Hicks teaches Bert stuff too.


Here Hicks is teaching Bert how to wave to a friend at a distance. Janusz from Poland taught Hicks this wave. Janusz said that in WWII, Germans visited Poland and waved like this to say hello. Then they did an urban renewal project in Warsaw involving leveling the city. Or something like that.
Bert and Hicks have a solid bromance going. It has even crossed the threshold into all-out PDAs.

kissY'all get a room, now. Hear?
Bert is a tech pioneer. No, really. Straight up. Note the CNN reference earlier. Here he is FaceTiming with Hicks.

bertfacetimeIf you look closely, you can actually see the stain of Bert's heart. Or the remnants of a pork rind.
Hicks keeps trying to learn from Bert and wants Bert to come to Ohio. Bert is scairt of Ohio because it is Yankee territory.

Hicks can get Bert a Greyhound ticket to Ohio for only $65!  AWESOME. Bert would certainly create an experience on the bus that would be hard to forget.


$65 = One Ticket to Paradise. Or Hicks' Pub.

Can you imagine the yarn that Bert would spin about that?

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