Whachoo lookin' at?

2012 Disco Christmas Party

Another year, another Christmas party...thanks to our groovy friends and neighbors. God love 'em. Ready for the recap? Here we go!

happy roses

We have Kevin and Tiff (the 'Fro Friends), Tom Who Wouldn't Wear His 'Fro, and Steve Austin, who is exuding more of a rapper vibe. Yo, G, you're in the wrong era, dude.

trio

Meanwhile, my word of the day was shiny: shiny blouse, shiny hair, shiny forehead. Good thing Tiff's wearing shades...this blouse could give the sun a run for its money.

preparty

Katie was equally shiny in her 100% authentic disco-era dress. Meanwhile, Rod was easing on down the "Paper Chase" road. Tom, not to be confused with Tom, was wearing an awesome purple velour jacket that had a big kickass dragon on the back. Tragically, I didn't capture that in photos. Speaking of photos...the Westerkamps arrived!

party ton

Here is Tom, not to be confused with Tom. Or Tom. Whoa man, I'm totally trippin'. I need a minute to figure this all out...tomexplained

Solid.

Where was I? Oh yeah, the Westerkamps arrived. Pimp Daddy Tom took a moment to collect his thoughts.

hurl

"Oh Mighty Disco Gods, please give me the strength and the stamina to let my funkadelic 'fro rock like no other. Please make this night totally righteous. And give me the cojones to talk to that stone-cold fox in the background. Amen."

macdaddy

"Oh look, Jay, my lame-o-meter just buzzed. Some jive turkey wants to talk to me. Bummer."

"Chill, Kendra. I'm solid with The Man. I'll confab with him."

"Right on."

ahhh

"Yo, Chris.What it is. Some fool is hittin' on my hot mama."

ewwww

"Did someone say, 'hot mama'?! Ewww, Chris, you're all sweaty!"

"Thanks, Mom! Dig my leather pants?"

ewwww2

"Oh God, Chris. I can't look."

"Normally I charge $5 a feel, but for you, I'll let it slide. Solid."

power

Meanwhile, back at the bar, the Black Panthers arrived. Power to the people!

What does Julie have in her hand? Oh, gentle reader, she is holding this:

minibeer

This little demon is called a mini-beer. Sure it looks innocent enough, but even a tiny insect can fell the mighty oak. We can all thank Dede for letting this gremlin loose in the Pub. It's Licor 43 topped with heavy whipping cream. Looks like a cute little beer and tastes like a vanilla shake. In other words, lethal.

Speaking of Dede, let's check in with Rob, shall we?

fort

He's checking his phone. Okay. Then he wandered inside to check his phone...

rob2

dederob

Dede: "Seriously, Rob. Are you going to look at that thing all night?"

Rob: (silence...with occasional soft tapping on the phone.)

Julie: "MINI BEERS RULE! WOOOOO!"

Then he moseyed back out to the Fort...

rob3

"Uh Rob, can you please do us a solid and get your freaky chrome dome out of the 'Fro Family Foto, man? It's harshin' our buzz."

frofam

Here's a fun game for the kids...who's 'fro is a real 'fro, fo' real, yo?

dedewinner

1972...2012...Dede's style is truly timeless. You go, sexy lady!

Oh look, we chased Rob inside. He looks...

rob4

ROB! WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU LOOKING AT??? LOOK UP, DUDE! YOU'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A DISCO PARTY!

Sidebar: This reminds me of the Best. Christmas card. Ever...

christmascard

The mom in this shot totally reminds me of Patti.

Hey Patti, how are you doin'?

patti

"Groovy."

closetoheart

Since Patti is away, No 'Fro Tom holds her close to his heart. Awwww...that photo is so sweet....except for the fact that Tom ISN'T WEARING HIS 'FRO.

dedebrian

"Hey Dede, can you believe that No 'Fro Tom won't wear his 'fro? What a jive turkey."

"Shut up, poseur."

"Okay."

belly

"Hey guys, I've got a line of shots ready here that are kinda sweet. Who'd like me to cut them with some salty, sweaty belly hair?"

yes1

"I'll have one."

dedekevin

"Dede and I will have one."

"Uh, Kevin, you don't drink shots. You're arm has been stuck in that position all night. See?"

fabfour

yes2yes3

"Aw, man. I was just airing out my pits. Busted."

kendrapit

Little did Kendra know that the Pit Police was RIGHT BEHIND HER.

kendrapit

The Pit Police was also closing in on Laura.

MB: "Ha! Laura's SO busted."

mbandkev

Kevin: "Right on, MB. Laura totally took the heat of the fuzz off of me. Now if I could only get this fuzz off my head. No wonder my pits are soggy. Feel 'em?"

MB: "Ugh. I'd step away, you grody, stanky hippie, but my entire left side is soaked like Fat Albert took a massive leak on me."

Kevin: "Hey hey hey!"

glam

New Katie: "Gawd, we look fabulous, don't we, Susie"?

Susie: "I don't know, Katie. Between us girls, your hairstyle is a little much."

toms

Tom: "Cheers!"

Tom: "Cheers!"

Tom: "Hey Tom, where's Tom?"

Tom: "Pfft. It's not my day to watch, Tom, Tom. Let's drink first and then we'll look for Tom."

Tom: "Tom who?"

Now later on...after some liquid lubrication (read: mini-beers), some disco patrons were bound to get down. Waaaay down. Bad Bad Leroy Brown Down. So down that even the paparazzi from Laugh-In was engaged.

paparazzi

Now, I've been reminded quite often and from various outlets that Hickspub.com is a family site. So I can't show you any specific photos of what happened per se, but I can post general images from which you may paint your own picture.

zz

dance

lawn

poodle

gross

eyes

And if you don't get these references, trust me, you're the better person for it.

By the end of the evening, the only survivors were...

petrock

Miss Patti and our new Pet Rock, Elton.

2011 Redneck Christmas Party

Best. Theme. Ever. Everyone embraced the redneck idea like a hillbilly hugging on his wife/sister....

happy roses

We were so happy to see Uncle Ray, Aunt Lana and Michael come for the party. They were worthy representatives of the Hicks side of the family.

happy roses

There's Aunt Lana in the red sweater. It looks like Uncle Ray is aiming up to pick her nose while Miss Toni looks on. Easy now, Uncle Ray, snacks are in the Grub Room. Speaking of which...

starting sip

...new to the Hicks' Pub: The Grub Room. A breathtaking room walled off by blue tarp, resplendent with images of The Rock and Jesus arm-wrestling the Devil. In a word: perfection.

4 amigos

The Mothers of Woodwick were on hand to make sure the children didn't get out of line. Yeah, right. Good luck with that, ladies. Let's see how that works out for you.

blissfull Kevin

Sweet Mike also here to keep his and Toni's Hicks' Pub perfect party participation record pristine.

 

Katie

Grandpa Frank raises a bottle in celebration of his knocked-up daughter, Patti. (Sniff) So precious.

trouble

Well hey, if it isn't Keith Stone! Dude, we were hoping you'd drop by! We have a couple cases of 24 ounce cans of Keystone to get the night rolling. You, my Friend, are a guest of honor.

cheers

We had several games set up in the Beer Fort for patrons to enjoy. Here is "Pin the Teeth on the Ho," a backwoods version of "Pin the Tail on the Donkey." The Walmart Christmas panties hanging off the sides are the blindfolds for the game. You can also glimpse the floodlights which illuminated the Shootin' Range. We had beer cans and CDs set up in the woods for folks to shoot with BB and Airsoft guns. Nothin' says party like 24 ouncers and guns.

cheers

There's my girls! It seems like only last year they were the prim and proper guests...

cheers

...oh how far they've slid. Way to go! Yay, regress!

cheers

There's Mr. Westerkamp, rockin' his summer teeth and mullet. Don't worry, ladies, there's lots of him to feast your eyes on. Just you wait and see.

cheers

Welcome Wolframs, bungee cord suspenders and all. There was much discussion of whether Laura went out and bought the gardered Christmas stockings or if she already had those in her unmentionables drawer. I know where my money lies.

cheers

We won't go into details of what happened in the Grub Room, but...

cheers

...clearly they were pleased with their success.

cheers

Ahh, the Roses. Let's reflect on their year here...

cheers

...last year...

cheers

...this summer...their decline was steady indeed.

cheers

"Hey, Keith Stone, lookit how cute we are!"

cheers

Not to be out-cuted, the Wolframs stepped up to the plate. Note to self: set up a photo booth for next year. That will be awesome.

cheers

If I didn't know any better, their matching expressions suggest they're kin.

cheers

Hellooooo High Life! Welcome to the party, pal!

cheers

There's his wife. Ain't she the adorable multi-tasker, what with her smokin' and breast-feedin' and all? We'll visit with her baby later.

cheers

Well, if it isn't the Louiso Boys? If that isn't a photo full of ornery, I don't know what is.

cheers

Look at that expression! OR-NER-Y.

cheers

Ornery has an attitude, too. He kindly provided us with a 1-800 number to call if we had a problem with him.

cheers

I don't know what Tiff is up to, but it's safe to say that it's no good.

starting sip

Remember Mrs. High Life's baby? Well, she may be small, but she can hold her own...

starting sip

starting sip

starting sip

The debate on how to properly pose the baby was intense. Creative ideas were exchanged and many poses were tested.

starting sip

Ultimately, everyone was pleased with the results.

starting sip

Keith Stone was on-hand to capture the moment. He too, approved.

starting sip

Meanwhile, out in the Beer Fort, folks were having a good time too.

starting sip

Raise a glass if yer a redneck.

starting sip

What did I learn from the evening? That wearing an exposed G-string is a profitable venture.

starting sip

And it makes for interesting conversation when the po-po show up.

starting sip

And once they left, it was back to our regular programming.

starting sip

See?

starting sip

Let's take a moment to assess the party thus far: Roses politely chatting amongst themselves? Check. Miss Susie looking cool in her Norwood letter jacket? Check. Hicks imitating a Frankenstein chipmunk fumbling a drink? Check. Baby on the bar still posing with the bottles? Check. All is well.

starting sip

Then Tiny Tim arrived. Don't let that shit-eating grin fool you. He's a bad influence.

starting sip

He throws down a beer bong with his lovely wife and partner-in-crime, Ali.

starting sip

He molests his wife on the stairs. I'm telling you, the boy's trouble.

starting sip

He does shots with Hicks.

starting sip

And then the lickin' started......and it went on...

cheers

...and on...

starting sip

....and on.

 

starting sip

Whick led to dancin'...and more dancin'...

starting sip

...and more dancin'. Rock on, sassy sister. Shake it for the boys.

starting sip

Meanwhile, the group grope begins!

starting sip

"Hey look! I laughed so hard, this beer nut shot right out of my nose! Want it?"

starting sip

"Whachoo lookin' at, Lennertz?"

 

starting sip

"Wait. Is it possible? Can it be...?"

starting sip

"Hallelujah! Saint Jon has arrived with the gift of Taco Bell! It's a Christmas miracle!" And lo, the mother with child did partake of the blessed taco.

starting sip

And peace, love and joy filled the Pub.

starting sip

Throughout the evening, Keith Stone continued to work his magic with the ladies.

starting sip

The promise of reasonably-priced beer was simply too much for the ladies to resist.

starting sip

Even men are defenseless against the wiles of the great Keith Stone.

starting sip

"I love you, Keith Stone. I love yer hair, too. Can I have it?"

starting sip

"Sure."

"Keith Stone. You rock."

"I know."

The following blurry photos, while not in any story form, are worth sharing because they do capture the spirit of the evening. Enjoy.

starting sip

starting sip

starting sip

starting sip

Honestly, I think this is my favorite shot of the whole evening.

Thanks to everyone who made this evening memorable!

 

Older posts